No news yet...

I had my first HCG blood test today but they do NOT give me the results of today's test - they have me test again Friday morning and they will call me with the results later that day. They want to compare the HCG levels and see them going up, that's why.

I asked them today what time on Friday I might hear back from them and she said they usually call people with results at lunch or around 4 pm. I'm going to try to put 4 in my mind since it usually seems to take longer than quicker to get results. I wish I knew exactly what time... I want Rob to be with me but he can't wait around all day...

I just want to fast forward to Friday! As Taba said I wish I could just be knocked out till then so I don't have to live through these 2 days! I feel like I was doing really good until today. I went for my blood test and it just kind of hit me... this is it. We're almost done. Rob said today he's not ready for it to be final. Like right now we still can hope it's positive... but if it's negative...

I've had a cold all week and I was starting to get paranoid that if my body was working on fighting off this dumb cold it wouldn't be able to focus on growing a baby (or two). I had a realization early yesterday morning that maybe I should put myself back on "bedrest" so my body didn't have to do so much work. I took a good long nap yesterday afternoon and I was feeling a little better this morning so that's good.

I'm rambling and that's because I'm just feeling soooo nervous and anxious and I just feel like writing a bit to get it out and off my chest...

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through tomorrow and Friday.... I know I should stay busy but at the same time part of me wants to be alone. I feel like crying but I know I should be thinking positive... so far tomorrow I have swimming w/Liv in the morning, then watching SYTYCD at night with Becca.... maybe I need to add "go out to eat for dinner."

A part of me... a BIG part of me... feels like there's no way this is going to work because for so long that's all I've gotten - bad news. The other night I saw a teensy bit of blood when putting in my progesterone suppository and I about had a heart attack. Last year I didn't even do the blood tests for my IUI cycle because I got my period before they were scheduled. My period would come today or tomorrow in a normal cycle but because I'm on 2 types of progesterone this time I doubt I'd get my period until I stop taking those even if I'm not pregnant.

I tried to explain tonight to Robby that we'll find out Friday if the eggs grew into babies because they might not. But that if they didn't then we'll have to try again with the other egg we have. And if that doesn't work then we'll have to start over and do the shots in my tummy to make more eggs...  I told him if it doesn't work then mommy will be pretty sad for a while but that we'll try again and keep doing whatever we need to so he can have a brother or sister one day. I don't want to give him bad news... I want to give him a sibling.

bad news...

Good news...

 My heart is racing... please let this work....

I promise to update you all on Friday as soon as possible. Thank you so much for all your support and prayers.

Patiently waiting...

...or trying to patiently wait....

It's Sunday night.... so not counting today 5 days left till we know!

Luckily last week we had a birthday party, then one last Rob work party, then 4th of July celebrating started and will continue tomorrow... Tuesday will be tricky to stay distracted... Wednesday is the first blood draw, then an acupuncture apt.... Thursday??? And then FRIDAY. Blood draw in the morning and then wait for them to call with the results. Ahhhh. I plan on going to the pool with my sisters/friends and pretty sure if it's bad news I'm going to have to leave to go home and cry for a few hours. And if it's good news then it'll definitely be a day to CELEBRATE!

Of course I'm looking for "signs" and symptoms of pregnancy but after 3 years of trying to get pregnant I know that really there's no way to tell until you get a positive pregnancy test! That being said, I'm sooo bloated, cranky, having weird dreams, and talking/doing some kind of silly dumb things! Of course all of that could be the end of my cycle, the progesterone shots, stress.... so I'm realistic... 

I didn't update you guys on our last two little embryos - I got a call from the lab the day after the transfer, so last Wednesday, and she said they were able to freeze one beautiful blastocyst. I had been hoping for at least 2 to freeze so when/if we do a frozen cycle we'd be able to transfer 2 eggs but we only have the 1 which is better than NONE so we'll take it! And it's a well developed embryo (blastocyst) so that's good.

Not mine but this is a good pic of a blastocyst!

Ok, so I know maybe you thought the next update would be the results but I am having a hard time waiting so again I find myself turning to writing to cope... lots of deep breathing... just trying to think positive thoughts and hopefully the days will go by fast...

*Think Sticky Thoughts*

Ok, our little embryos are in! Here's the picture they gave me today of the ones we transferred:


Our potential future children!


The one on the right is a blastocyst and the other is an early blastocyst - both really good quality! He said each one had about 25% chance of implanting so we have like a 50% chance of getting pregnant with these little guys...

The update on all our embryos: we were down to 7 on Sunday. Today we had the 2 that we transferred (1 blastocyst, 1 early blastocyst), and now there are only 2 others that are still progressing but they are a little slow so he's not sure if they'll be good enough to freeze or not. He said they'd look at them again tomorrow and hopefully they'll have progressed a bit more and then they'd freeze them. I was really counting on having some frozen embryos to be able to do a frozen cycle if this one didn't work. There's no way we could afford another full cycle again for a long time... so hopefully they eggs are able to freeze so we have that as a back up plan! Or! Hopefully we just get pregnant and don't need them!

Our apt today was at 1:15. We decided this morning to go to the temple before our apt - it's convenient since it's just up the road from the fertility center. It was a peaceful way to spend the morning and help us keep things in perspective! I hadn't eaten much so after the temple we raced to Panda Express near by and ate our lunch in about 10 minutes flat before racing over to the fertility center.

While we were sitting in the waiting room Tonya, one of the nurses, comes up and asks, "How about some valium?!" It seemed funny at the time! They give you valium before the procedure to help you relax as well as relax your uterus.

We waited in the exam room and Dr. Foulk came in and showed us the pictures of our embryos and told us how the others were doing. The procedure is pretty simple and took about 10 minutes. They do an abdominal ultrasound while the dr inserts a catheter and uses that to put the embryos into the uterus. Then they check under a microscope to make sure both of the embryos were transferred from the catheter.

When they finished the dr didn't want me to move at all - I believe his words were, "be like a wet noodle" - as they pulled me up farther on the bed and I laid there for at least 30 minutes. Rob and I were both so tired and the lights were still out so be basically snoozed the whole time... I couldn't go to bed last night til 1 am and then Robby woke up randomly at 5 and kept coming in! So 4 hours of sleep... didn't feel great... when they came back in and told us I could get up, go to the bathroom, and go home I was nervous to get up! I felt like, "are you sure they're not gonna come back out??"

We came home and now I've just been making the most of my "Princess Days" as they said. The nurse explained I don't necessarily have to be laying down the entire time but the point is we want all the blood flow to go to the uterus so I don't want to be moving around. So I can sit up, watch tv, read... Taba was able to come down today and took Robby and her kids out to the pool and then I took a much needed nap! Then my sweet primary ladies brought us dinner which was awesome. Rob came home and luckily Robby was ready for bed early (since he woke up at 5 am!) so it all went pretty smoothly today!

Rob has been very helpful tonight but I realize now how many times a day/night I get up to grab something or do something... he keeps making trips back and forth around the house for me, hopefully he doesn't get too tired of it too quickly! :)

Now that these little embryos are in there I just feel like the pressure's on a little bit... I feel like I'm fragile or something. I don't want to jostle them or do anything that's going to prevent them from implanting! We will have 2 blood tests and compare the HCG levels and we'll get the results on 7/8! Please let these 10 days go by fast!

I just want to say THANK YOU to all of you guys for your comments, messages, texts and just all your support!!! It means so much to us to know we have so many people rooting for us! So, thanks. :)

It's really gonna happen!

Ok so I had an acupuncture appointment today at 4 to get my body all ready for the transfer and we'll do another one Wednesday morning - they say it's good to do them as close to before and after the transfer as possible. We'd go tomorrow after the transfer but it's a long drive and Dr. Dummar said he'd rather I was resting and laying down then spend all that time in the car!

I spent the day doing laundry, cleaning, library run, errands, and working a lot so I can focus on resting the coming days. I just got done working but my brain is still running and this is a good way for me to unwind. The morning will be spent finishing laundry and doing more work before going in to our apt at 1:15! Really the only instructions were to come in with a semi-full bladder and wear loose clothes since I'll be laying down for an hour afterward!

I'm excited to see how the little embryos are doing! They will be blastocysts by tomorrow which is good - nice and mature! I'll give you all the details as soon as possible.

And in the words of my darling little boy Robby, "Bless that the eggs will turn into babies!"

Tuesday it is...

So we went in today and talked to Dr. Foulk and discussed the health of the eggs and he said we are going to wait until Tuesday. This is good because it will give the embryos more time to develop but I have to say part of me was disappointed because I'd tried to mentally prepare for it happening today.

A little about our embryos - we retrieved 25 eggs, 14 were mature, 10 of those fertilized. As of today 3 had stopped progressing so we are down to 7. Of those 7, 4 were in the "good" zone (6, 7, or 8 cells) and 3 were still developing so by Tuesday we should have 2 that are really good to implant and hopefully 2 others at least to freeze.

Here are some of our little embryos!

So it is good news - we definitely want the best embryos possible! I'm just feeling kind of emotional about the whole thing! 

It isn't helping that my body is still hurting from the retrieval, just crampy in the front and the back and now these Progesterone in Oil shots are killing my bum! Oh my goodness! Maeris watched Robby this morning while we went to the fertility center and when I came back he told her, "My mom has to do diant (giant) shots in her bum!" These needles are way bigger than the tummy shots and the oil makes a huge welt and bruise... ugh! It's getting old fast - really if you can't be comfortable sitting how can you be comfortable?? My friend who has done IVF twice gave me some tips for these shots - ice the area first, lean on one leg so the muscle isn't contracted, do squats and rub the area after... I was just doing a little more research on a fertility forum and tomorrow I'll try using a heating pad afterward too... if I'm pregnant I'll have to do these shots till I'm 9 weeks - so hopefully I'll just have to get used to it. :) And I'm grateful for Rob's help with these! He didn't have to do any of the other shots but I just can't do these ones by myself and I'm grateful he's doing it with me every morning!

Egg transfer tomorrow??

 I have to say I had no idea the egg retrieval would be a big deal physically - I mean, yes, I was going under anesthesia and they were going to poke my ovaries with needles... but it seemed like they made a big deal about the egg transfer and I'd need to rest for 48 hours after that... anyway, my point is - my body is still hurting! I spent all Thursday with my heating pad on me and that helped but now I see why when we were leaving the nurse said, "So, just extra strength tylenol, if you need something stronger give us a call." I was like, why would I need that? OHHHHHH. I get it now. I'm surviving on just tylenol and still using my heating pad. I'm sure it'll get better soon.

Yesterday afternoon I called to check on my eggs and got what I felt was a little surprising of an update - so, they retrieved 25 eggs. Out of the 25 eggs only 14 were mature. They did ICSI on those 14 eggs (that means they injected sperm into those 14 eggs) and of those 10 actually fertilized. So, we went from 25 to 10 pretty quickly. Still good it just sounded not as great to me. She said they'd have another update for me tomorrow (Saturday) but didn't have any more information on if the transfer would be Sunday or Tuesday.

Today I called them at around 4 to see if they could tell me how my eggs were doing. (I feel a bit like a mother hen!) I left a message for the lab. I got a call from Tonya, ones of the nurses, and she asked us to come in tomorrow (Sunday) at 10:30 am prepared to do the egg transfer but that we would sit down and talk with Dr. Foulk and there's a chance we'll decide to wait but that we probably would do it tomorrow. Ok. I was kind of surprised because Dr. Foulk seemed so sure we would do the transfer on Tuesday but maybe our eggs are not doing so great so they want to do it sooner?

Later I got a call back from the woman in the lab and she was very nice and gave me an update on my eggs - she said 2 were 4 cell and looking great, high quality, and that there were a few that were a little fragmented but that they didn't worry unless it was 25% and it was only 10% (I'm just telling you what she said I did not really understand it!) and that there were 5 or so that were still 3 cell and had time to develop and so we'll see.... ok.... She was very nice and I appreciate her giving me the details even if I don't completely understand them.

Bottom line - we're going in tomorrow at 10:30 and we may or may not be transferring eggs. I feel anxious... like it'll be hard to go in tomorrow and then NOT do it but it might be the better thing so I'm trying to be prepared in case we do and be prepared in case we don't... all a very crazy mix of emotions.

Also the closer it's getting to putting them back in the more real this feels... the more I'm starting to feel myself really hoping that this works! And then it's just waiting to find out if it did or not. And I'm not exactly ready for the 48 hrs of bed rest, my house is kind of a mess and I'm sure I need to do laundry and should've gone grocery shopping today! Oh well! We'll survive. And it'd be nice if we did it tomorrow cause Rob would be home all day... but it's also maybe better if it's not tomorrow... back and forth...

We will just go in, see what Dr. Foulk says, and go from there. Trying to stay calm! :)

It went great!

So the news is everything is good! They retrieved 25 follicles (eggs) and Dr. Foulk said about 60% should fertilize, they watch them and see which ones look the strongest, and since there are so many we should be able to let them wait 5 days and then we'll put them back in! So Tuesday!

I'm home right now and they told me to take a nap and rest but I can't sleep  so I've just got my hot pad on my tummy and am watching a redbox... The Switch actually... ha ha... Rob took Robby to A&B's so I can just sit here and take it easy. Rob made me some tomato soup and I ate half a grilled cheese before he left - I was so hungry this morning when I couldn't eat and that sandwich and soup hit the spot.

Tuesday I went in for another ultrasound and a blood draw - they called me that day to say yes we want to trigger you, give yourself your HCG shot at 9 pm that night. They gave me instructions about what else I needed to do before the retrieval.

In the morning I was supposed to take a pregnancy test to make sure the HCG was in my system (since HCG is the hormone your body makes when you're pregnant and that's what those tests are detect!). It was very weird to see this positive pregnancy test not in relation to actually being pregnant - I told myself it was just an "HCG test." I called them to let them know it was positive.

All yesterday my tummy was feeling kind of full and uncomfortable - sometimes it felt like when you're pregnant and your ligaments are stretching. The spot where I gave myself the HCG shot the night before felt like a big bump and was really tender. Not to mention my chest has been incredibly sore - I'm sure it's just all the hormones. Anyway, I was just feeling kind of weird. I'm glad it was time to take all those eggs out!

The anesthesiologist called me yesterday to go over the details about my medical history and what I needed to do to prepare- nothing to eat or drink after midnight, nothing in the morning (kept having to stop myself from drinking some water). He said if I drank some gatorade the night before it'd help me feel better after the retrieval. So last night I had some yogurt and 32 oz of gatorade just before midnight. He said people seem to do pretty well if you can rest after the procedure and keep a hot pad on you. He was very nice and told me to call him on his cell phone if I had any questions!! I appreciated that.

My friend Maranda came over at 8:15 am in the morning (that was for you Tab! ;)) to watch Robby and we checking into the fertility center at 8:30 am. We met the friendly anesthesiologist and as always they asked me to go to the bathroom first (those bladders need to be emptied before all the ultrasounds and everything) then I just undressed waist down and put the hospital gown on.

He came in gave a little shot in my hand to numb it that stung a little but it meant I didn't feel it at all when he put the other needle in! Yeah! He put some IV fluid in me and then that's what he used to give me the rest of the medications. The anesthesia was the part I was most worried about and the only part I was awake for so I'll give you as many details as I can remember. He put the little oxygen tube in my nose, blood pressure cuff on my arm, heart monitors on my chest, and put his stethoscope near my throat too. Here I am in all my glory:

First he gave me something to help me relax and it made me a little sleepy. I liked that one because I was still conscious but stopped worrying. Then he put some anti-nausea medication which he said would last the longest. Then I remember them saying they were ready to get started and Rob kissed me goodbye and then.....

I started to wake up. I couldn't believe it was over. About 40 minutes had passed I think. I was sleepy and didn't want to wake up. My mouth was so dry and my lips too. Rob got me some water but my mouth just felt all cottony! They let me lay there and wake up slowly for about 15 minutes or so.

Dr. Foulk came in and told me they got 25 follicles. He explained that it's best to let them wait as long as you can - if you don't have very many eggs and they aren't doing great they'll put them back in sooner but if we can wait 5 days and still have 8 or so eggs to choose from and pick the best from there that's great. The longer you can wait then we can see which ones will be the strongest and have the best chance. So we'll put them back in Tuesday probably.

An example of an embryo 3 days after fertilization

They will call us tomorrow to let us know how many fertilized - they take Rob's sperm and mix them together within an hour or so of taking the eggs out but then it takes 12 hours to see how many actually fertilize.

So if we go in Tuesday then I think they do a blood test 7 & 10 days after that to see if it worked! The reason they do 2 is in case there's some trace of HCG still left in your system from the trigger shot and we don't want to have false information. But if there's HCG on day 7 and then it doubles by day 10 then it means your pregnant. So by July 8th!

For now I am just having to give myself progesterone oil shots - or Rob will have to do it! They gave me my first one today while I was under - that one leaves a mark! These will be in my lower hip (bum) area. They look like they aren't going to be very fun but if it helps a baby stay inside I'll do whatever I need to!!! We will also do an acupuncture treatment right before the transfer as well. I need to an another post on acupuncture but that'll have to be later.

I'm just happy everything went so well! Rob gave me a blessing last night and I have been calm and happy and I just feel good. Thank you so much for all your support! I know that all your prayers are helping us stay calm and be comforted.