No news yet...

I had my first HCG blood test today but they do NOT give me the results of today's test - they have me test again Friday morning and they will call me with the results later that day. They want to compare the HCG levels and see them going up, that's why.

I asked them today what time on Friday I might hear back from them and she said they usually call people with results at lunch or around 4 pm. I'm going to try to put 4 in my mind since it usually seems to take longer than quicker to get results. I wish I knew exactly what time... I want Rob to be with me but he can't wait around all day...

I just want to fast forward to Friday! As Taba said I wish I could just be knocked out till then so I don't have to live through these 2 days! I feel like I was doing really good until today. I went for my blood test and it just kind of hit me... this is it. We're almost done. Rob said today he's not ready for it to be final. Like right now we still can hope it's positive... but if it's negative...

I've had a cold all week and I was starting to get paranoid that if my body was working on fighting off this dumb cold it wouldn't be able to focus on growing a baby (or two). I had a realization early yesterday morning that maybe I should put myself back on "bedrest" so my body didn't have to do so much work. I took a good long nap yesterday afternoon and I was feeling a little better this morning so that's good.

I'm rambling and that's because I'm just feeling soooo nervous and anxious and I just feel like writing a bit to get it out and off my chest...

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through tomorrow and Friday.... I know I should stay busy but at the same time part of me wants to be alone. I feel like crying but I know I should be thinking positive... so far tomorrow I have swimming w/Liv in the morning, then watching SYTYCD at night with Becca.... maybe I need to add "go out to eat for dinner."

A part of me... a BIG part of me... feels like there's no way this is going to work because for so long that's all I've gotten - bad news. The other night I saw a teensy bit of blood when putting in my progesterone suppository and I about had a heart attack. Last year I didn't even do the blood tests for my IUI cycle because I got my period before they were scheduled. My period would come today or tomorrow in a normal cycle but because I'm on 2 types of progesterone this time I doubt I'd get my period until I stop taking those even if I'm not pregnant.

I tried to explain tonight to Robby that we'll find out Friday if the eggs grew into babies because they might not. But that if they didn't then we'll have to try again with the other egg we have. And if that doesn't work then we'll have to start over and do the shots in my tummy to make more eggs...  I told him if it doesn't work then mommy will be pretty sad for a while but that we'll try again and keep doing whatever we need to so he can have a brother or sister one day. I don't want to give him bad news... I want to give him a sibling.

bad news...

Good news...

 My heart is racing... please let this work....

I promise to update you all on Friday as soon as possible. Thank you so much for all your support and prayers.