Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Growing strong...

My day 20 HCG test came back with good results!!! (20 days after the transfer)

Since I'm out of town I had to just go to this LabCorp office to get my blood test. It was actually kind of convenient because I was able to make an apt online and it took only like 20 minutes total. Much better than if I'd had to go do it at a hospital or something! They told me they'd call my dr's office with the results and I would get a call that same day. My apt was at 10 am eastern time so they'd get the results nice and early!

So again I knew it'd probably be a phone call around either lunch time or 4 pm west coast time. I also noticed just a definite change in my mood from the minute I did the blood test - I just was anxious. I don't really even feel that pregnant at all yet so I was nervous for a low HCG count.

Anne Marie from the Fertility center called me around 5 pm my time - so I had the whole day to be nervous - and she immediately told me, "Ok we had a good high HCG count today! Your level was over 4,000!" I was so relieved I didn't ask her the exact HCG count but that's ok. As long as she thinks it's good! She told me to keep taking my progesterone and we talked about scheduling my ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks next Thursday so if I was in Utah I could go in that day (July 28th) for my ultrasound but I asked if I should do it out here in MD and she said let's just wait till I get back to UT because she wants me to do it with Dr. Foulk. So I have it scheduled for Mon Aug 8th! Then we'll know! Twins or a singleton!!!!!

Again this was great news and such a relief! Very encouraging! Like I said especially since I don't feel like I have a lot of "symptoms" yet but I know it's still really early. I would just feel better if I was throwing up. :) I know you're probably saying be careful what you wish for but I'm serious. I am tired and my tummy feels a little off after eating but that's all really. Wish I could get an HCG count every day to just make sure it's growing and growing!

If you're thinking I'm sounding neurotic just remember I did have a miscarriage so I feel like my fears are valid. I know there's nothing I can do besides I'm just trying to take it easy, think positively, and say lots of prayers! I always say I was happy that I enjoyed every minute of my last pregnancy even if it ended in a miscarriage and so I do feel like I want to do that again and I'm trying! I'm so grateful to be pregnant and I do have a good feeling about this!!!

So I'll make sure to keep you guys posted - can't wait for that ultrasound!!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

2 lines

Oh yeah! And not just because of some HCG shot either! These pics are from Sunday. It was so awesome to see those lines pop up right away and that pregnancy line super dark!!!!

I did another test today and it was a lot the same so that's good! I am going to Maryland tomorrow for 3 weeks so I have to do my day 20 blood test on Monday in MD. I was able to make an apt online at a LabCorp location and hopefully that works out well. Then we'll do the ultrasound either just before I leave MD or right when I get back - I'm so excited for that!

On Wednesday I had another acupuncture apt (I've been going every week but will miss a few weeks while I'm in MD) and he said that when you are pregnant your pulse changes and it becomes more "slippery" and that's what's happened to mine. Also, he said that Chinese medicine says that one side (right or left wrist) will have a stronger pulse depending on the sex of the baby and so based on that he thinks I'm having a boy. It'll be interesting to see if that's the case or not! As Taba said, you mean a boy AND a girl! :) I wish.

It's been a great week - a load has been lifted off of my shoulders with this good news and I'm feeling really good and hopeful about things. I've been getting pretty tired and after I eat my stomach usually feels upset - but anything that feels like "pregnant" I just get giddy about!

Well, wish me luck flying to MD tomorrow just me and Robby! Rob flies out later next week! Robby is such a good helper and such a big boy I know we'll do great but I always get a little nervous of flying without Rob. Oh, and I'm trying to take my medications in my carry-on with my needles too so I'm hoping they don't give me any issues with that. We'll see! I'll let you know!

Thanks for all your support everyone!

Friday, July 8, 2011

I'm pregnant!

It worked! It worked!!! We're actually pregnant!

 Pictures Tab took to remember this wonderful day!!!!

So to answer the main question we've gotten - we'll find out if it's twins or a "singleton" in about 3 weeks when they do a 7 week ultrasound. So that means I'm like 4 weeks pregnant. I'll be due around middle of March. And apparently HCG levels do not indicate whether it's twins or not because HCG levels for twins are the same normal range for singleton babies. Interesting, huh?

I want to remember as much as possible about this day so here goes - it's going to be super long!

Rob and Robby came with me to my appointment for my blood draw at 9:30 which was great because the one on Wednesday kind of started me on a downward nervous spiral. Robby got to watch and he got a good show as it took her 4 pokes to get me. He wanted to see how they got blood from my arm - he's so interested in this whole process.

I was able to ask Anne-Marie, a nurse, a few questions before we left - like what if it doesn't work? How do we do a frozen cycle? We are going to be in MD for most of July so next month wouldn't work - she said we didn't need to do any birth control or anything beforehand just we could do it after getting my period next time. And what if I am pregnant and only 1 egg took would I still get a period or have some bleeding? Apparently no, she said the other egg would dissolve and if there were bleeding or spotting it would be for other reasons. I felt a little better with some more info. I said so you'll call at either lunch time or like 4, right and she said, "we'll call you as soon as we can!"

We got home around 10 and I waited for my sister Taba to get here - we gathered up for the pool. I was feeling kind of sick to my stomach... the nerves I think. It was overcast and even a tiny bit drizzly but we headed over to the pool anyway. Rob was going to work from home for the morning - I told him to come over to the pool as SOON AS POSSIBLE - I wanted him by my side for when they called! Which I thought would not be till 1 or 4.

At about 12 I went to let Becca & the kids in to the pool then I checked my phone - WHAT? Missed call at 11:52? They called! THEY CALLED! I started freaking out! Taba and Becca screamed - what should I do? What should I do? Should I go home? Get Rob? YES. Ok. I hugged the girls, we were all in nervous tears, and ran home. My hands were shaking so hard trying to unlock the door, why did he lock the deadbolt? Ahhh!!! I kind of slammed the door and he popped out of the office into the hallway - he looked like he was seeing a ghost, he said I looked nervous. I said, "we need to call them back! Now!" Andrew was working in the office with him... we went in our room and shut the door.

I could barely contain myself trying to scroll down in my contacts to "Utah Fertility" all the way to the U's... "Utah Fertility Center, this is Kim, how can I help you?" I told her Tonya had just called me and I was calling her back... she said she was finishing up another call and to wait so she put us on hold for the LONGEST 3 MINUTES OF MY LIFE as I tried to breathe squeezing Rob's hand as we sat on our bed...

Finally Tonya gets on the phone, "Hi Esther this is Tonya," in her soft quiet voice I was thinking OH NO is this bad? Then in a kind of teasing voice, "I hear you're dying for some news!" Okaaaay get to the point lady! "I'm happy to tell you that you are pregnant." And I lost it.

I nodded my head to Rob and tried to smile. I ugly cried and tried to say, "thank you," I don't know if she heard or understood me. She let me just cry for a minute. It's a little hazy how/what she said after that but she said we'll want to check my HCG levels again in 10 days so I'll have to do it when I'm in MD (need to figure out the best place to that - hospital?) and she said to take it easy...

She said "your HCG levels are beautiful. It was 27 on Wednesday and we want to see them double and they did, today was 75 so that's perfect." That gave me some comfort that so far it was growing strong!

I was apparently sounding pretty upset from what Andrew could hear with only crying no cheering - you guys my heart was soaring but the emotions were just so overpowering crying was all I could do! - so Andrew walked outside over towards the pool where Becca and Taba were just waiting as anxious as could be. They saw Andrew walking towards them with his head down, not meeting their eyes, and he kind of shook his head... they said their hearts just broke because they thought it was bad news! He said she would probably be crying if it was good too just he didn't hear anything helpful - luckily we could see him walking past our balcony so when we got off the phone with Tonya I opened my balcony door - we could see the girls at the pool standing at the gate and Andrew on the other side of it and they all looked upset. They saw me crying and Taba said she thought I was going to shake my head no but then I shouted out, "IT WORKED!!" and they all screamed and then were crying tears of relief and joy. It was very intense.

I wanted to see Robby, he was at the pool with him - they called him to come to the gate and Taba lifted him up and I yelled again, "It worked!!! Mommy's pregnant!" I wish I could've told him to his face more directly but I didn't want to wait. I came down to the pool a minute later and he looked up at me and said, "You have a baby!" I pulled him close to me and hugged and kissed him. I explained, "This means the eggs turned into babies or a baby and we'll find out soon if it was 1 baby or 2 babies. Sometimes babies can stop growing in their mommies so now we just need to pray that the baby will grow healthy and strong so it can grow all the way into a brother or sister for you! But this is really exciting and great that mommy is pregnant!"

Tonight before he went to bed he said to me, "I hope the baby doesn't escape." I said, "The baby's not going to try to escape! Just sometimes they aren't strong enough to grow all the way..." He said, "well, if I pray for it and you and daddy and everyone in our family like Papa and Grandpa Parsons and Andrew and Becca and everyone-" and I said, "Yes, lots and lots of people will be praying for the baby to grow! But Heavenly Father knows what's best and he'll take good care of us."

He knows this is a happy wonderful thing - I just want him to be prepared and not crushed if I were to have another miscarriage. And you know what, I feel like he gets it. Today he said he thinks it's going to be 1 baby and that it will be a baby brother. We shall see.

So after finding out the news so early we were all able to breathe a little bit! Rob and Andrew finished up some work in the house and I made some phone calls and texts to spread the news! Finding out so early let us really enjoy and celebrate the rest of the day! It started to get more and more drizzly and we had the great idea to go and leave all the kids at Taba's house and go to the Cheesecake Factory! Having big cousins around to babysit is awesome! :) Rob had to be back by 7 to leave for Girl's Camp (he had to go up and be like a security guard overnight tonight) so we raced up there and had a yummy dinner! We walked around the mall for a few minutes after where I will admit I bought a few really on sale items at Baby Gap to celebrate. :)


We came home and Rob had to leave but that was ok - I snuggled Robby and we read lots of stories. He's going to be the best big brother! Then sometimes it's nice to have a quiet evening to yourself - especially when you have a NOVEL of a blog post to write such as this! I watched Runaway Bride and hopefully will be able to fall asleep soon cause I know I'm exhausted!

I wish I had more pictures - I have lots in my mind! And I know there will be tons to come!

We are so happy and so relieved! We know our journey isn't over but this is a huge step in the right direction! We feel so blessed and so lucky to have so many people praying for us and supporting us through this. I am floored by the amount of people that respond to my posts and updates and it strengthens us knowing we have so many people rooting for us! So thank you for all of your support!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

No news yet...

I had my first HCG blood test today but they do NOT give me the results of today's test - they have me test again Friday morning and they will call me with the results later that day. They want to compare the HCG levels and see them going up, that's why.

I asked them today what time on Friday I might hear back from them and she said they usually call people with results at lunch or around 4 pm. I'm going to try to put 4 in my mind since it usually seems to take longer than quicker to get results. I wish I knew exactly what time... I want Rob to be with me but he can't wait around all day...

I just want to fast forward to Friday! As Taba said I wish I could just be knocked out till then so I don't have to live through these 2 days! I feel like I was doing really good until today. I went for my blood test and it just kind of hit me... this is it. We're almost done. Rob said today he's not ready for it to be final. Like right now we still can hope it's positive... but if it's negative...

I've had a cold all week and I was starting to get paranoid that if my body was working on fighting off this dumb cold it wouldn't be able to focus on growing a baby (or two). I had a realization early yesterday morning that maybe I should put myself back on "bedrest" so my body didn't have to do so much work. I took a good long nap yesterday afternoon and I was feeling a little better this morning so that's good.

I'm rambling and that's because I'm just feeling soooo nervous and anxious and I just feel like writing a bit to get it out and off my chest...

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through tomorrow and Friday.... I know I should stay busy but at the same time part of me wants to be alone. I feel like crying but I know I should be thinking positive... so far tomorrow I have swimming w/Liv in the morning, then watching SYTYCD at night with Becca.... maybe I need to add "go out to eat for dinner."

A part of me... a BIG part of me... feels like there's no way this is going to work because for so long that's all I've gotten - bad news. The other night I saw a teensy bit of blood when putting in my progesterone suppository and I about had a heart attack. Last year I didn't even do the blood tests for my IUI cycle because I got my period before they were scheduled. My period would come today or tomorrow in a normal cycle but because I'm on 2 types of progesterone this time I doubt I'd get my period until I stop taking those even if I'm not pregnant.

I tried to explain tonight to Robby that we'll find out Friday if the eggs grew into babies because they might not. But that if they didn't then we'll have to try again with the other egg we have. And if that doesn't work then we'll have to start over and do the shots in my tummy to make more eggs...  I told him if it doesn't work then mommy will be pretty sad for a while but that we'll try again and keep doing whatever we need to so he can have a brother or sister one day. I don't want to give him bad news... I want to give him a sibling.

bad news...

Good news...
 My heart is racing... please let this work....

I promise to update you all on Friday as soon as possible. Thank you so much for all your support and prayers.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Patiently waiting...

...or trying to patiently wait....

It's Sunday night.... so not counting today 5 days left till we know!

Luckily last week we had a birthday party, then one last Rob work party, then 4th of July celebrating started and will continue tomorrow... Tuesday will be tricky to stay distracted... Wednesday is the first blood draw, then an acupuncture apt.... Thursday??? And then FRIDAY. Blood draw in the morning and then wait for them to call with the results. Ahhhh. I plan on going to the pool with my sisters/friends and pretty sure if it's bad news I'm going to have to leave to go home and cry for a few hours. And if it's good news then it'll definitely be a day to CELEBRATE!

Of course I'm looking for "signs" and symptoms of pregnancy but after 3 years of trying to get pregnant I know that really there's no way to tell until you get a positive pregnancy test! That being said, I'm sooo bloated, cranky, having weird dreams, and talking/doing some kind of silly dumb things! Of course all of that could be the end of my cycle, the progesterone shots, stress.... so I'm realistic... 

I didn't update you guys on our last two little embryos - I got a call from the lab the day after the transfer, so last Wednesday, and she said they were able to freeze one beautiful blastocyst. I had been hoping for at least 2 to freeze so when/if we do a frozen cycle we'd be able to transfer 2 eggs but we only have the 1 which is better than NONE so we'll take it! And it's a well developed embryo (blastocyst) so that's good.

Not mine but this is a good pic of a blastocyst!
Ok, so I know maybe you thought the next update would be the results but I am having a hard time waiting so again I find myself turning to writing to cope... lots of deep breathing... just trying to think positive thoughts and hopefully the days will go by fast...